Pretty Face

There is a saying often heard by overweight people and intended as a motivating compliment "You have SUCH a pretty face, if you only lost a little..." There is a joke that goes along with this phrase about the woman who lost a bunch of weight only to find out her friends were wrong...

I don't believe beauty is contingent on size. I don't think losing or gaining weight makes anyone prettier or less pretty. Happiness and confidence make someone beautiful. Ask me. I have never been truly thin and I have never lacked for admirers. And, despite having been perfectly nestled in the "ideal weight" zone at various points of my life, I have never lacked for haters either. Only a woman understands this as men usually never face this petty behavior. Nor do they face the weight scrutiny to the same extent. Fat is such an ugly word I have heard thrown at the prettiest of girls. Remember when Jennifer Lawrence was "fat" or when Kate Upton was "fat" or heck, remember hot Lindsay Lohan during Mean Girls? She was fat too. I am not altogether convinced that the verbal abuse at the hands of other women didn't drive her to addiction in an effort to be thin. Here's a truth, I considered it myself. I considered how much easier it would be to be thin if I just took speed or cocaine. I knew people who were addicts in order to maintain a look. While working out has never been hard, dieting always had been. If only there was something that made me not want to eat...

Back to the face. I hate hate hate being sweaty. I hate sweating in front of people. This made working out a challenge. Because I always felt disgusting and like people were noticing me being disgusting. Not that I would look at their sweaty faces. Plus, I am cursed with a strong blush factor, so when I work hard, I sweat and turn red. Naturally rosy cheeks go into overdrive under exertion. So all my life, whenever I worked out ( or drank too much) people would ask me if I was okay. Which is nice and all, but does mean they will be looking at my sweaty face.

Nonetheless, With a bit over a week under my belt of regular intense workout, I am starting to enjoy sweating. I mean, its only in front of my husband and sometimes my sister, but still progress is progress. Gross admission, after a hard workout, I like to see the sweat bead at my pores. Gross, I know. But my face is getting so much brighter and clearer, because of the regular exertion. I imagine this must be why people benefit from regular visits to the sauna.

Like many women the first place I can see my efforts in is my face. Its not that my face is prettier per say, but just that it begins shifting. My eyes look bigger, my jawline sharpens and my face is more heart shape than round. I never lose my cheeks, but that is okay as I have grown to tolerate them. I find myself looking in mirrors more trying to discern the smallest of changes, because that keeps my focused and energized. So I will take my pretty face and allow it to replace the scale for a bit. The scale issue last week really got me down. I'm not strong enough to face it daily or weekly. I will add that in the second leg of this challenge. But for this first 50 days, I will focus on the things I have more control over, like what I eat and how I work out or how I check in and relax. My job for the rest of this quarter is closing out the negativity and focus on healing. In the end, these victories are more important than the scale.