The Zen of Boxing

I'm a couple weeks into this experiment now, and getting up to work out or working out longer or harder than when I began is much less of a chore. It is much less of something I have to talk myself into. I feel stronger and more balanced. I am definitely more coordinated. In fact, this morning while working out, I found that I was in a almost trance-like state as I was working through my kick boxing routine, I was able to detach from what I was physically doing and mentally checked in with myself. I felt myself relaxing even as I was maintaining a rather rigorous routine of punches and kicks, and surprisingly, I didn't miss a beat. One of the things I most disliked about working out is feeling that lack of coordination one feels as a beginner. I hated feeling on display, and psychologically, trying to figure out the routine was much more exhausting than the activity itself. My mind would work overtime trying to figure out the next step rather than allowing me to get lost in the activity. I always allowed myself to quit when I became too emotionally frustrated.

I guess I am past that point. I am now at the point where I can zone out and appreciate the euphoric high of exercise without the mental anguish of self judgement. This is a feeling I've missed for many years. There was a summer in my teens when I spent hours working out and pushing through the pain and discomfort until I reached my zen. The beginning of my sophomore year, I was probably the leanest and strongest I have ever been. The problem was my three month stint without pressure from other people or obligations was not something I could maintain. It wasn't a lifestyle and in the course of the year, I reverted back to where I had started.

So anyhow, as I was going through the movements this morning in my workout, I felt that same familiar relaxation and satisfaction I had forgotten. It made me realize that maybe this should be my outlet emotionally. I've always subconsciously turned to comfort food when I was upset or discouraged or scared. Maybe what I really needed was to find my zen. So, assuming this weather cools down soon, I intend to force myself to do 15-30 minutes of working out whenever I feel myself getting overwhelmed or stressed out. This isn't like my morning mandatory sessions, this is more of a mini experiment when needed to see if reaching my zen  from exercise can distract me from my less healthy and more destructive impulses. Will I still want to binge after 20 minutes? If I do, maybe I really am hungry, if not, maybe I will come one step closer to tackling my demons and breaking my habits.