Holiday Blue

One of the most difficult parts of sticking to my healthy routine has been dealing with family which is, not surprisingly, one of the expectations of a holiday weekend. This past weekend we ended up visiting my brother's house to meet up with my parents and a couple of aunts and uncles. Getting out of your own environment poses a couple of problems: Foremost that you lose control of your healthier options unless you choose to be rude, and too, that you come face to face with excessive amounts of temptation. From 8pm when we arrived to 7 pm when we left there were no real healthy options. From the fast food Thai when we arrived to the carne asada quesadillas and cupcakes when we left, it was hard to stay on track without seeming like a fool. The best I could do was portion control which I definitely accomplished, and sneaking healthier fare when people weren't looking, specifically an extra helping of fruit instead of breakfast bars or nachos.

I suppose that this dilemma could be alleviated by simply stating to everyone my dietary goals, but this also tends to be counter productive for me. When everyone knows I am trying to lose weight, I feel I get judged for my progress. At this stage that judgement is preemptive and discouraging. I am not even 1/4 the way through my experiment and I know my family well enough to know that they will respond discouragingly if informed too soon about my life changes. Nothing stings worse than working hard only for people you love to not notice the progress or celebrate the accomplishment.

My mom has had weight issues all her life, so there is a good chance she laid the groundwork for my own unhealthy relationship with food. My husband often asks why both my sister and I view food as love and a reward, and it makes sense that this behavior is groomed into us. Being that my mom experienced the same issues, she is often the first to respond that I am getting fat or that my face is puffy. If, god forbid, I let her know I am dieting, rather than offering validation by saying that this is a good thing, she often retorts "Well you really need to do SOMETHING about this" at which point she gestures to a problem area as though I had not even stated that that was my intention. This equals feelings of low self worth and guilt which translate to binge eating.  There are a lot of unhelpful things you can say to someone who struggles with their weight. Honestly, unless you want to offer them a workout or diet partner or simply want to say "Good job" keep whatever thought you have to yourself.  There is a delicate balance when someone is trying to change their life by working out a new routine, and a careless word can easily throw them off course.

Also, I hate the notoriety of people watching me succeed or fail. The extra pressure involved outweighs the goal or desire to better myself. I'd rather make my decisions privately and share my decisions and successes with those who I know will offer unending support. Then, everyone else can know once it physically becomes obvious. Even then, this isn't about a diet. This is about being healthier. Not simply physically, but emotionally as well.