I woke up today fairly discouraged. Although I feel stronger and more energized and am somewhat proud of my 45 minutes of daily high intensity working out to supplement my 2 mile walks, and I am definitely eating better. So what's the problem? That little demon called the scale.
I have been hesitant to write for the last couple of days, feeling like a squeaky wheel repeating the same complaints and frustrations. I considered that, if I continued repeat these sentiments on a loop I would discourage myself and box myself into this cycle of negativity. Instead I needed to reevaluate how I was expending my energy and try to see the encouraging rather than the discouraging.
Well then I weighed myself and found myself spiraling into the black hole that comes from putting forth efforts without rewards. I actually am a pound heavier. Drove me nuts. I cried a little. To work so hard only to feel you have taken a step back. I mean, logically I know I haven't, but emotionally I was crushed.
I started thinking about the root of the word discouraged. Courage. Funny the opposite of courage isn't discouraged, it is fear. Yet I have never thought that discouragement and fear to by synonymous. I don't think I get upset because I am afraid to fail or afraid to succeed. But then I took a close look at my reaction to the setback. My gut response was to sabotage all the good I had done simply because it "wasn't working" not to say I have given it enough time to REALLY WORK or to say that I wasn't reaping benefits. So was this really fear I was feeling? Was this a moment to push through because calling this failure was simply admitting to myself that I was not brave enough to stick something through until success?
I pushed through my morning workout and protein shake and packed myself a healthy lunch. I need to remember that the journey is just as important as the destination, and not to let my bravery be hampered by fear.
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