Second Nature

They say the hardest part about weight loss is the maintenance. They say the hardest part about getting healthy is the first few steps of making a decision to BE healthy. I agree with both these arguments. The problem in both cases is habit. Breaking a habit and reverting back to a habit.

On the breaking a habit point, the thing that hurts the most is self judgement. When taking the first baby steps to a healthy lifestyle, one becomes hyper aware of themselves and the way that people might perceive them. I've been known to tone down a work out or two or eat something I shouldn't because I didn't want to be seen as the girl on a diet. I didn't want that judgement to weigh on my shoulders because I was already judging myself.

Once you meet a goal, the issue moves from judgement to complacency. Lets face it, our most unhealthy habits are the most comfortable. Like slipping into a threadbare t-shirt and sweats. Does it look good? No. Does it feel great? Sure. Because it is easy.

Change is always a struggle. So it is important not to see the journey in terms of failure or success. It shouldn't have a beginning or end. There shouldn't be an accomplishable goal because that is simply setting yourself up for failure. Instead change should be part of a metamorphosis. A new way of life, that you are continually growing and learning about.  You can never admit to yourself that you did a good job, because the result will be complacency. Instead, I am learning that the journey is unending and the further I go the more I will understand and the more I will realize I still don't know. This is the heart of dedication.

The Courage of Discouragement

I woke up today fairly discouraged. Although I feel stronger and more energized and am somewhat proud of my 45 minutes of daily high intensity working out to supplement my 2 mile walks, and I am definitely eating better. So what's the problem? That little demon called the scale.

I have been hesitant to write for the last couple of days, feeling like a squeaky wheel repeating the same complaints and frustrations. I considered that, if I continued repeat these sentiments on a loop I would discourage myself and box myself into this cycle of negativity. Instead I needed to reevaluate how I was expending my energy and try to see the encouraging rather than the discouraging.

Well then I weighed myself and found myself spiraling into the black hole that comes from putting forth efforts without rewards. I actually am a pound heavier. Drove me nuts. I cried a little. To work so hard only to feel you have taken a step back.  I mean, logically I know I haven't, but emotionally I was crushed.

I started thinking about the root of the word discouraged. Courage. Funny the opposite of courage isn't discouraged, it is fear. Yet I have never thought that discouragement and fear to by synonymous. I don't think I get upset because I am afraid to fail or afraid to succeed. But then I took a close look at my reaction to the setback. My gut response was to sabotage all the good I had done simply because it "wasn't working" not to say I have given it enough time to REALLY WORK or to say that I wasn't reaping benefits. So was this really fear I was feeling? Was this a moment to push through because calling this failure was simply admitting to myself that I was not brave enough to stick something through until success?

I pushed through my morning workout and protein shake and packed myself a healthy lunch. I need to remember that the journey is just as important as the destination, and not to let my bravery be hampered by fear.