I've got an addiction and it's always going linger

I, like so many others who suffer from weight loss issues, started obsessing about my weight from a very young age. I've never liked to be in the spot light, and if need be I would literally hide to get away from it. It started in elementary school when a traumatic event happened, and my shyness and aversion to people grew exponentially in the blink of an eye. I was an extremely awkward girl who had trouble making friends, refused to wear anything flattering, and found solace in books, games and FOOD. It wasn't until I hit 4th grade that I realized that the other girls cared how to comb their hair, what clothes they were wearing, and what the boys were thinking about. I clung to remaining anonymous but the older I got the more my body was becoming an issue. I just kept gaining. This meant embarrassing visits to Sears to buy Pretty Plus clothing, while my skinny little sister (only a year my junior) ran around the "normal" girl section. How I envied her! Fast forward to middle school, and I was the weirdo wearing oversized jean overalls with a huge tee in the middle of summer, because I was comfortable in them, and comparing myself to all the girls who wore their short shorts and small tank tops. About this time was when I said enough was enough, and I went on a rigorous diet. I ate just over 1,000 calories, hardly any fat, and I stayed away from snacks. I exercised at least an hour a day, probably burning 500-750 calories a session. This is also about the time I forced myself to start liking diet coke, and diet anything really. I remember the first few sips and twitching my face, but I figured that if I got a taste for it then it would be free calories. Super! I was going way too hard, but I got down to a weight I had never been to before. I wore clothes that I had always wanted to, and I started getting attention that I never got before. That last part was probably to do more with the attitude and confidence adjustment then the actual weight loss, but I didn't know that at the time. I was on a high. Then I got comfortable and the weight crept back up, and that's how its been almost all my teenage and adult life. Yo-yo dieting, obsessing over calories, worrying what I look like in clothes. For women, we are conditioned to embrace this fierce body obsession, and hurrah to the girls that don't give into that hype, but I can understand why I am like this, and why other women are too. At this age I am a little better about being proud of who I am, even with a few extra pounds, but I think I'll always have this addition to food. It makes me feel better, it calms my nerves and it's just so damn good! I'm trying to learn how to think about food in different ways and have a healthier relationship with it. I'll be writing in here, every now and then, just to spill my thoughts. I'm 5'1" and today I weighed 133.6 lbs, and my goal is to lose 10% of that by the end of November. If I lose even 5% of that by then I will consider it a victory for my health. Ok internet, that is enough soul bearing information for today. Goodnight!